My sister came back from where she settled down after her university. Gosh, the things she does sometimes pisses me off. She is the one i am the closest to and the one who puts ALOT of sense into me but hello, sometimes i feel she is more against me than with me. She makes makes my parents go against me.
With my family, they cant have a single conversation with me without me completely blowing it out of proportion due to me being utterly emotional. I am. More so when i am with my family cause what they say, i really listen to. I either start crying or screaming. The reasons are pretty much the same. They either degrade me, make me the black sleep, treat me like a child, criticizes, make me feel like a horrible person or just a dumb one.!
I realized my family can make me breakdown in everything they say. and noone else. My friends can say that top is not nice and i'd buy it. But when my sister says it, i just drop it.
it's like i completely lose myself when it comes to my family. I cant think for myself. they can do it. They influence me alot. and i am a difficult person to get influence into shit. If i do it, i do it cause i want to not cause its cool, or u doing it.
Today's argument. I was called a whore for wearing a top that showed my shoulders and arms.. "You should dress modestly". When i was going to wear a tight sleeveless top with tights! Okay.. so not Paki like dressing but of course, when will i ever understand.
I am super stubborn. i love to dress up.. if it were up to me. i would love to wear sun dresses up to my knees but of course..cant.!
I havent reached my potential level of dressing and i want to go oversea to do just that. I want to go crazy wearing dresses everyday!
I dont go against my family.. i dont want to. I just want the freedom to wear and do what i want. I have my limits. i wont go wearing a mini shirt with a top showing my belly button! or a bikini.!
i'd just like to show a bit of legs and arms sometimes, when i find this tight amazing slightly sleeveless top.. thats it.! i am all for modest dressing, just not as modest as my sister is ALL the time. thats just a way to feel hot, as in sweating hot, half of the time!
My dream outfit.. anything that makes me look hot with boots. :)
xx
a.a
"Hold it against me" - Britney Spears ft David Guetta.
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