Never works out!

Gosh, i just wanna go clubbing. but when does it ever work out!

My parents gone to freaking singapore and i am bloody hell free to do whatever i want and guess what.. i cant! LOL. 

sucks really. or someone is stopping me!

eh... see how it works out. if my friend says no. then i cant do muchh.

oh well. :)

If yes, cab and PARTY! :)

If only they knew me

I am the sort of girl that hang with guys. I love the company of guys. The more the better. Cause one on one hang out never has its advantages. I want that one best guy friend and i am seeing that in Z.T now, he has stopped flirting the way he did. But the jealously is there when he and his other girl friend hang out. My possessive attitude over my best friends are yet to go.  


Now, I have met up with his friends. Such cute pakistani guys. Problem is that not only do they not fit my necessary category, they are those that judge major lots. Not like Z.T previous friends, these are those guys that would love that they have me hanging out with them, but behind my back talk bad. Or so i think. I am all for not caring. But now i am thinking about my reputation. I cant forever not care right. I have no idea what is written in my future whether it is arranged or love. My love marriage would Inshallah be one that understands how i am and likes me for me. I know some things i might do would not be acceptable but things i like, he would compromise.
But what might happen is not in my hands, these guys might be the reason i would never be in an arrange marriage if i cant find a love.
The world is too small.
I wanna be the respectable one. Its so bloody hard to be a girl. To get respect is so bloody hard to get and even harder to keep.
Hanging with them may degrade that but i cant make it more than that. I pull wrong moves. they will judge them.
Its time like these when i wish i was a guy..
I wouldnt have to worry about half of all these.
Or atleast, it didnt have to be so hard to be a girl. That society wouldnt gossip and think so much.
Thinking about how  easy it would be. This is me at 18 thinking about marriage! Imagine when i grow older. 
I see my sister in me. and that may be a good thing but it sucked the life out of it. Until she fell for the wrong guy and got it back.
I want her to be her but if she doesnt know it then how can she be.. She tries to be the girl the guy wants her to be. I wont allow myself to be that. I cant. she taught me how to see these guys. i can easily say Z.T is not one of them. Thou I saw his protective-ness


I dont think i will ever show myself to these guys. Cause my crazy thoughts are tooo much for them to handle.
and what will they do with them besides use it against me?


xx
a.a


"To the Moon and Back"- Savage Garden