Black Sheep of the A.Family

My sister came back from where she settled down after her university. Gosh, the things she does sometimes pisses me off. She is the one i am the closest to and the one who puts ALOT of sense into me but hello, sometimes i feel she is more against me than with me. She makes makes my parents go against me.

With my family, they cant have a single conversation with me without me completely blowing it out of proportion due to me being utterly emotional. I am. More so when i am with my family cause what they say, i really listen to. I either start crying or screaming. The reasons are pretty much the same. They either degrade me, make me the black sleep, treat me like a child, criticizes, make me feel like a horrible person or just a dumb one.!

I realized my family can make me breakdown in everything they say. and noone else. My friends can say that top is not nice and i'd buy it. But when my sister says it, i just drop it. 

it's like i completely lose myself when it comes to my family. I cant think for myself. they can do it. They influence me alot. and i am a difficult person to get influence into shit. If i do it, i do it cause i want to not cause its cool, or u doing it. 

Today's argument. I was called a whore for wearing a top that showed my shoulders and arms.. "You should dress modestly". When i was going to wear a tight sleeveless top with tights! Okay.. so not Paki like dressing but of course, when will i ever understand.

I am super stubborn. i love to dress up.. if it were up to me. i would love to wear sun dresses up to my knees but of course..cant.! 

I havent reached my potential level of dressing and i want to go oversea to do just that. I want to go crazy wearing dresses everyday!

I dont go against my family.. i dont want to. I just want the freedom to wear and do what i want. I have my limits. i wont go wearing a mini shirt with a top showing my belly button! or a bikini.!

i'd just like to show a bit of legs and arms sometimes, when i find this tight amazing slightly sleeveless top.. thats it.! i am all for modest dressing, just not as modest as my sister is ALL the time. thats just a way to feel hot, as in sweating hot, half of the time!

My dream outfit.. anything that makes me look hot with boots. :)

xx

a.a

"Hold it against me" - Britney Spears ft David Guetta.

"he said i am not allowed to be friends with good looking guys"

I have grown up away from Pakistan, in another country. country's name- unnecessary.
Living here has actually helped my case more than it would have if i were to live with my relatives back in Pakistan or US.
Away from all those preying eyes of cousins and family, my parents have been a bit relax on what i do and how i bring myself out and up. I have the sort of independence that would probably be frown upon by alot of aunties and uncles, even those who live in such chilled out place such as US.
Thank god for secrets, lies and limited profile on Facebook, otherwise I wouldn't have that bit of life that i actually have.
I try to not lie to my parents. Like about who I am going out with or what I am going out to do. 
Thou, today, I had a major fight with them cause i told them i was going out with 3 guys for a day out in the bloody mall. I think the issue was that it was in a mall. Otherwise, it would have been fine.
This it what happens before or after i go out with whoever, just cause i am a girl. FIGHTS! Another issue causing that.Gender.
But leave that for another post. 
Anyways, so of course, i went to the mall easy but then when i came back, i came back to an angry dad, whose first words were how would it look if a girl was hanging out with 2 guys to any aunty or uncle who saw.!!!
God. they are the freaky queens and kings of gossip.Pakistanis.. who gives a crap.. you dont think ur sons and daughters do it too these days. Pleaseee stop talking about other kids. 
Oh, thats not even all. My dad said so much more which was what really pissed me off cause it was so bloody contradicting and makes no sense..
He accused me of being in like with this guy..name him Z.T. Cause i so forbid wanted to help him since he has no family here.! But of course it seems like i like him from m dad's POV. but he said it all pissed off...and i got so mad.. what the heck? i cant be friends with a guy. A guy they wouldn't mind since it so prefectly fit in their category.!
Z.T is Paki, good looking, tall, charmed my mom, fun, funny, smooth, flirtatious and everything i would want except he is a player. and i know i make it seem like i do like him but he is the kind that i would when i am thinking about getting married.! Right now, him being a player is him enjoying his age and i dont want to get into anything with a player. He is the kind after all his fun will settle down. 
He is the kind i would want to settle down with later in life.
but right now, i have no feelings for him or anything like that cause he is a player...catch my drift?
Moving on, my dad knows somewhat of this. and i guess he is not wrong for thinking so. but still u have no right to accuse me of it.. and then say that if he was ur boyfriend and u told me, u could hang out with him. or in some sort of dating, u'd want to get more into a relationship with him..then go ahead and hang with him.?????? HELLO? When was being friends with a guy such a crime and dating NOT?
thats pretty cool of him..but he told me if i am not interested, dont be friends with unnecessary guys.!!!
So then, i fought back saying all my other guy friends, the ones shorteer than me or so..u never minded?
HE BASCIALLY THEN TOLD ME NOT TO BE FRIENDS WITH GOOD LOOKING GUYS!!!!
omg..
whats up with that?
i was fuming after thatt.. every question he asked me after that i related it to Z.T and try to piss him off..
didnt work.!
Parents. They know how to push our buttons.


xx
a.a

"live a life you want, not what they want"

Introduction: 

My name initial is A.A

I am Pakistani, obviously but going against it is,apparently to my parents,is what i do. This blog is on for 9 months hopefully. Cause i would be off to a new university for me to discovery and enjoy

I am ranting like any 18 year old after my parents but i will tell you this that as a Pakistani, its harder to live as a teenager. They all are so narrow-minded. No matter where in the world they are. My parents, to be fair, are fine really. Better than "those", and if it werent for the actual narrow minds of their pakistani friends. i would actually be able to live a life that i want and not what they want.

I love my parents but they care too much about reputation and what their narrow minded friends would actually think and say. WTF, right? I cant live a life cause i am not allowed to not care.

if only i could move to Alaska, where none of their friends live. 

and seriously, they are all over the bloody world and i am not kidding.

if i am not mistaken, my mom said there was one in Alaska a few years ago during a fight where i told them i would go there for university to get away from them.

ah, a life would be good.

xx

a.a