But tonight hes loving me

I see Z.T motivation..
His need to get any girl he wants.Once he targets, he wants to be sure there will always something out of it.
I am now his friend. But he kept thinking that by all his right words and his ample straightforward- ness i was to fall for him. His saying that "he doesn't spend too much time with girls in the worry of of him falling.". Just randomly saying these kind of things when i had not asked of such an answer shows he's just fooling himself thinking i will fall for such crap.
I am his friend and i might has be a great one. I do too much to help out friends and my parents might me right, pakistani, heck any, guy will take it the wrong way. I bet you with all the help he thinks i am doing it cause i am in love with him. I help my friends that i like. I like him. I thought i might like him more than a friend but i prove myself wrong cause i didnt fall for him. I took him more as a friend. I think cause i just got my head on the fact that he is just good at being a friend and not more than that.
He is a really good friend, i wont deny anyone of that. His straightforward-ness rubs off on me in a good way. Its something that works with me. I enjoying having a truth telling friend!
But he flirts excessively and does not deny when people think we are dating. DUDE!
the person came and asked him..girlfriend? and i was like no! and he was like yea and put his arms around me. aiya. But its funny at times. But not when i am interested in this other guy and he sees me with him!
Main reason i wasnt asked out earlier by my ex was because of Z.T. My ex thought i liked Z.T!
The most annoying thing, i dont want to stop him from his flirtation. I guess i like the attention and i feel he wont want to be friends if he knows he will never get me if i told him off. 
So i drop slight hints, like when we went to his brother's place, OMG, his brother's roommate was soo cute and i said it..after that he kept quiet and just off. Maybe cause he didnt want to talk or do his usual humming or singing. 
What is wrong with these guys? They can go one looking at girls and i am not allowed to look at guys and see how god as blessed them with good looks? Whats the harm as long as i dont take my cuties and snog them?? 
And the song that i think suits Z.T, during the time he is flirting with me to other girl is...


xx
a.a

"Tonight (I'm loving you)"- Enrique Iglesias Ft. Ludacris 

The key to unlock everything.

There is so much of crap in this world i just dont want to deal with.
For example, knowing my chances to get into a university is low, but still wanting and hoping for it.
I hate this feeling. That once i got a chance to go somewhere, another hunch comes and loose it just like that. What point is there to fight what is already written in my life books.? What point is there thinking long and hard about what choice i should make when without even thinking about, my life will just lead me to that direction.?
I am upset if people cant see it. Not upset that makes me what to cry but one that makes me zone out in my world and drown myself in sleep and dreams and consume my free time with music and movies. My results just made me just a bit too upset, cause suddenly my oh so manny possibilities seems like barely seem nothing as i look into those results and what the university want from me. 
I have made a huge joke of what i was able to do. 
I am ranting about results when i almost lost my kidney and went thru my first real relationship breakup.!
But breakups never matter in my future plans. My almost losing my kidney only made me stronger and a better person to not do things that i did last year. 
Its more about what I want to do..see the world...when i get those results. it was that key to unlock that door to allow to see the world, instead of being stuck at home. Unable to go out and see the people i want to see.
I missing out on LMFAO or David Guetta or the crazy dancing time i could have had at anytime i want. I am not saying i want to get drunk and club everyday. I just want to be able to go to a club and dance my head off when i want to celebrate!
When i finished alevels, i zoned off with friends and slept early that night. Thinking i was going to zouk out those weeks after that, i didnt ask my parents if i could go clubbing in celebration along with other alevel classmates.
But when u dont get to dance of those celebration, weeks after that.. you tend to feel like shit. I never got to feel on top of the world when i finished alevels, not knowing my results and thinking i had so much look forward to. Now even if i wanted, i would not be able to celebrate me finishing, cause i am not happy with my bloody results.
For guys now, I went to my Ex- college. No doubt there are plenty of fishes in the sea. i got my eye on this one iranian one. He is cute. Thats about  i know about him. I just want to take me aside, know he cant speak english and get totally turned off and get over him!
Easy, u dont know english, no way to communicate with me, i have no reason to be interested. 


xx
a.a


"What the hell"-Arvil Lavign

an hour and 10 minutes til my future is before me.

30minutes to go.
i am at the edge of my bed, unable to sleep, unable to even think about it without freaking out.
emotions are highly on overdrive. With me,  everything is unexpected.No matter how good the paper went,it proves me wrong by showing a B or so. 
I am an overachiever and omg, when i dont get something i expected to or am utterly disappointed i am the worse person to be around. i sulk! and i sound like a spoiled brat. But i dont mean materialistic things but rather the things i really worked hard for... 
Change of topic.
My plans for the up coming months, is to stay single and happy with myself. I have seen the "grass is on the other  side" and i enjoyed parts of it. It was my first real relationship. :O  that will be the face on the aunties that know about me being in any relationship..continued with gossips. even more so if they knew he was indian. 
Anyways, with my luck with guys and all, i got over this one pretty fast. i guess cause i never actually put a 100%  into it incase i got hurt in the end and also when i finally did break up. i had this amazing flood of relief and the realization that i can flirt around with any guy friends of mine without feeling like i am unfaithful. Not that i did when i was with the guy. the thing is..
In a relationship with me, loyalty is something u dont have to worry about and jealousy is far from it cause i cut of all my guy friends. and i realized that is amazing stupid.! 
No matter that guys and girls cant be friends because of all the sexual tension, love and lust coming in between, a girl needs a guy friend. One that can make her see the insides of a  typical guy's brains.
It took me a bunch of years to realise just a year ago that guys go for the body rather than the face first.!
OMG. i just realised there is an additional hour gap between here and UK.!
argh..
so that makes it now. AN HOUR AND 5 MINUTES.
i am going to drive and get myself MCDs!
to calm the overpowering and "dramatic" nerves.!


xx
a.a