The key to unlock everything.

There is so much of crap in this world i just dont want to deal with.
For example, knowing my chances to get into a university is low, but still wanting and hoping for it.
I hate this feeling. That once i got a chance to go somewhere, another hunch comes and loose it just like that. What point is there to fight what is already written in my life books.? What point is there thinking long and hard about what choice i should make when without even thinking about, my life will just lead me to that direction.?
I am upset if people cant see it. Not upset that makes me what to cry but one that makes me zone out in my world and drown myself in sleep and dreams and consume my free time with music and movies. My results just made me just a bit too upset, cause suddenly my oh so manny possibilities seems like barely seem nothing as i look into those results and what the university want from me. 
I have made a huge joke of what i was able to do. 
I am ranting about results when i almost lost my kidney and went thru my first real relationship breakup.!
But breakups never matter in my future plans. My almost losing my kidney only made me stronger and a better person to not do things that i did last year. 
Its more about what I want to do..see the world...when i get those results. it was that key to unlock that door to allow to see the world, instead of being stuck at home. Unable to go out and see the people i want to see.
I missing out on LMFAO or David Guetta or the crazy dancing time i could have had at anytime i want. I am not saying i want to get drunk and club everyday. I just want to be able to go to a club and dance my head off when i want to celebrate!
When i finished alevels, i zoned off with friends and slept early that night. Thinking i was going to zouk out those weeks after that, i didnt ask my parents if i could go clubbing in celebration along with other alevel classmates.
But when u dont get to dance of those celebration, weeks after that.. you tend to feel like shit. I never got to feel on top of the world when i finished alevels, not knowing my results and thinking i had so much look forward to. Now even if i wanted, i would not be able to celebrate me finishing, cause i am not happy with my bloody results.
For guys now, I went to my Ex- college. No doubt there are plenty of fishes in the sea. i got my eye on this one iranian one. He is cute. Thats about  i know about him. I just want to take me aside, know he cant speak english and get totally turned off and get over him!
Easy, u dont know english, no way to communicate with me, i have no reason to be interested. 


xx
a.a


"What the hell"-Arvil Lavign