I just cant get enough.

I was thinking back to all the rude, bitchy-ness i did when i was younger, in high school. I realised their is a high to that. Weirdly, I missed it. But then again, I always became upset after that. I miss telling someone off for being rude to someone else, or cause they took my group's table. Made you feel like you have some power and intimidation advantage. To just pointedly throw a sarcastic remark!
I think thats why i fight with alot of people. cause i love the whole effect. 
Funny thing is after all that, i am an emotional wreck. I feel bad and intensely horrible for doing it.
except when the person really deserves it.  


Another part that came up in my mind, how i broke the ice with all these guys. I remember this one guy i dated.
Now, he is in a 4 year relationship with my former best friend. Anyways, so before we actually talked to each other. There was these amazing eye contact. Those that i had with Z.T before we official met.  Those are the best part of liking someone. The electrifying eye contact of some stranger you are attract and we are sort of making those shameless convo without the words. The butterflies in ur stomach cause u need to find a way to talk to him but too nervous too. I miss it. so much. omg. more than anything. It was the drive of wanting to do something to face my fear. And plotting and scheming. 
Back to the story. My first guy i felt the eye contact thing with, the butterflies was him. And we had those eye contact with him for most of the time. My group's table was few tables away from his gang. He was my senior so it was crazy to even think we would actual happen. For some reason the seniors and juniors never went well. 
So my ice breaker happen on my favorite day of the school year, Sports Day. Where I sat in the highest throne. It was early in the morning. We both were early and he was playing with his fingers as if he was playing her guitar. I took the shot and asked him. "Do you play the guiter?" It was so random , i caught him by surprise. Funny thing is that after that he felt so comfortable with me. He poked me in the side and teased me. Just by one random question. I dunno. I first time, when u know nothing about the person but u have this attraction. that even the slightest touch or being spoken to makes ur heart weak and ur stomach full of butterflies.


So yea. i miss those feelings. I lack meeting new people cause i am not in college.
I need to go out and about right. but i am content with where i am right now. probably cause i am lazy..so missing it is not enough for me to get out of bed.


I am thinking about how much i am finding out about myself writing this blog.
like how much i love power and everything about it.
damn the guy that has to marry me. hahaha


xx
a.a


"Nobody's Perfect" - Jessie J